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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia? Because he was a dirty double crosser."

"I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October."

"They say celebrities die in threes... Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in the fourth for free."

"Ever wondered why written jokes about mailmen are generally unfunny? They are all about delivery."

"Nobody Likes This. I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This."

"What happened to the two gladiator olives? They were pitted against each other"

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I didn't pay 50 bucks to have a lentil on my face last night."

"Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit."

"How dare you complain about your life? Someone's mom is Snooki."