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Joke of the Day

"A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, ""Honey, I cut off my finger today."" She replies, ""The whole finger!?"" He says, ""No, the one right next to it."""

"Where do Knights get their armour? The hardware store. One I came up with when I was about 10."

"I think having an abortion really brings out the kid in me"

"I'm old school when it comes to video games and by that I mean I turn into a senior citizen who yells ""which one am I?"" every 30 seconds."

"When I ""rage against the machine"" the machine is usually a printer."

"Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running?? Me- No, but the dishwasher is.. Prank Caller- Huh??? Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog..."

"Where did the orphans go after the Orphanage blew up? Everywhere"

"I was eliminated as a contestant on Fear Factor after running screaming from a bee."

"One-night stand at first, but ended up happening again... I mean, they're just so cheap at Ikea, so I had to go back to get another."

"Twitter is a good place to meet men. The odds are good but the goods are odd."