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Joke of the Day

"Hi 911, I'd like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol"

"If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started."

"Dad, did you let the parrot name me? - Haha, no that's ridiculous, Brock."

"""1. Roll around in bed for a few hours. 2. Get kind of dressed. 3. DON'T EAT!"" - to do list for American Apparel models"

"At The Olympics At the Olympics, a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. ""Are you a pole vaulter?"" ""No, I'm German. How did you know my name is Walter?"""

"Q: What do you call a powerful black guy? A: Obama."

"My Favorite Joke (Sorry Cat Lovers) How do you make a cat go Woof? Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire place!"

"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."

"What kind of lotion does a bullfighter use? Oil of Ole'"

"What is the best Cabinet post for Donald Trump? Secretary of 'De-Fence"""