148960

Joke of the Day

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head."

"My husband told me he'd like to be woken up by a blowjob... ...so I put my dick in his mouth to wake him up."

"What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge? ""Define intervention."" Came up with this today at work."

"My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right."

"#BrexitIn5Words He's just not into EU"

"If the British had won, today we'd all be celebrating the Fouurth of July"

"Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something."

"What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaaaaaaaaaains"

"A new study of dolphins was recently performed... The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them."

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."