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Joke of the Day
"My friend dropped his phone in the toilet It was a shitty phone anyway True story"
Next Joke
"I quit drinking & people laughed at me. Now the iPhone 7 is here and I get to sell a clean & pure Liver. The joke is now on them."
"What does Cam Newton and Fig Newton have in common? They both crumble under pressure"
"What part of ""No"" don't you understand? Probably the whole thing I'm guessing. It's a pretty short word. What? You're a squirrel? Sorry"
"Why did the gynecologist giggle during the pap smear? I don't know. It was an inside joke."
"If I were a DJ, I think the best part of the job would be making people sorry that they hired me"
"Of course I touch myself when I think about you It's called a face palm"
"Try toasting... It raises your spirits."
"Dear everyone reading this tweet, What's the future like?"
"This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward."