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Joke of the Day

"I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added ""Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer"" In my prayers"

"My sheep friends asked me to find them some drugs so I went to the local animal dealer... Pablo Escobaaaaaa"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking... JK Rowling"

"A German airman on the air forces during WW2 If you see a white plane, it's American; if it's black it's RAF (Royal Air Force). If you see no planes at all, that's the Luftwaffe."

"I can't stand Italians and their slanty eyes... ...no, wait, *italics*."

"I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I'm praying they get laid"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight."

"""Shake what your mama gave ya."" ""You want me to shake a $25 Macy's gift card?"""

"I bought a dog from a blacksmith today As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door!"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay to see a lentil."