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Joke of the Day

"My wife is a vegan. I'm not. I don't care if she makes more money than me. I can still say that I'm the one who brings home the bacon."

"My ex boyfriend was into two types of women: 1) Me 2) My Best Friend"

"Whenever I'm on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep."

"Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Use your best judgment with a centaur."

"The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight."

"My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts."

"My girl told me that she has daddy issues... So i left for a pack of smokes and never came back."

"What do you call a rabbit in a beanie and listening to vinyl? A Hopster."

"Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?"

"Groaner Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare."