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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"I heard that you only use like 10% of your brain. That leaves what, 82-83%?"

"Mom: Some stranger keeps answering your land line. Me: That's because I haven't had a land line in 7 years, Ma."

"My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on."

"If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me."

"Did you guys hear about the dyslexic man who went to the toga party? They wouldn't let him in because he showed up dressed as a goat."

"What did the vampire say when his son scraped his knee? **""Suck it up""**"

"It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog."

"In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers... In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements."

"What do you call a smart blonde? A labrador"