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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids... Apparently she left me two days ago."

"Did you hear about the gym employee that got fired? He didn't work out."

"Your mom is like a shotgun Two cocks and she's ready to blow"

"""Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"" - birth of an expression"

"To the women who keeps waking me up at 3AM by pounding on my door: I'm not letting you out."

"Bricks and mortar are so passe. I going to live in my homepage."

"Finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!"

"if they changed the rules so you could wear timbs instead of skates black ppl would take over hockey"

"""Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy."""

"Is it too much to ask for an attractive hot stalker....I mean, come on, seriously!"