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Joke of the Day

"Before they built this Trader Joe's, there was just an empty field with wild shoppers politely blocking each other's way"

"My cat acts pretty tough for someone who disappears for 3 days anytime I sneeze."

"*walks up to bouncer* ""sorry pal, this is a private country club"" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]"

"Why did Yellow divorce Red? Because Red Blue Green"

"My wife asked me if I could stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe"

"What did Stella McCartney say during a threesome? Come together Right now Over me"

"Everyone always says that chocolate is like crack, so one day I actually tried it to find out for myself. I still prefer crack."

"If you have time to check into a gas station on Foursquare, you have too much time on your hands"

"I tried being selfless. It's not for me."

"What's the difference between a redwood and a dead baby? A redwood won't fit in a wood chipper."