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Joke of the Day

"If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp."

"What do you call an Italian Yeti? A Spaghyeti!"

"My wife said that our son feels neglected. I didn't even know we had a son."

"Finally looked up from my phone screen and noticed I'm being passed around by the crowd at a Blink 182 concert."

"My girlfriend likes to play this weird game.. Where she dresses up like herself and acts like a bitch all the time."

"Math made simple: If you have $20 and your wife has $15, she has $35."

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"Doctor these pills you gave me for BO... What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from under my arms!"

"Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber? He had locomotives!"

"What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars."