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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with pieces of cardboard? A pillow fight"

"If I had a dime for every time I quoted the movie Blazing Saddles... I would have a shitload of dimes."

"Smartphones are a lot like instant coffee... They're both good 'till the last drop."

"Remember: If the leprechaun sees his shadow today, six more weeks of drinking."

"Whats the difference between light and hard You can sleep with a light on."

"I may be a bit rusty, but if the world ever needs me to climb into a triangle and shoot asteroids, I'm ready."

"I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band."

"Do you, Charles Manson, take this woman who is clearly more insane than you to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"Your mother is so fat... ...even whilst fucking her it feels like a long-distance relationship."

"UPS guy just acted like he'd never seen anyone answer the door in a super hero cape & a straw farmer hat."