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Joke of the Day

"I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band."

"DOG BOSS: Any messages for me? DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy DOG BOSS: who's Agoodboy? DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*"

"What do you call a destroyed bomb shelter in Poland? A helter-skelter Hitler shelter."

"lately my house has been a bit drafty... not because its' poorly insulated, but because my wife keeps bringing home marines..."

"Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was ""what do they know that I don't?"""

"I hate going to pancake houses because it just reminds me that I bought a stupid, non-delicious house."

"I dont always roll a joint... But when I do its my ankle."

"My bra has felt way too tight all day. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest."

"Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day anal sex makes your hole weak."

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was. Then it dawned on me."