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Joke of the Day

"Just told a couple disbelieving millennials about how we used to have to poop without cell phones."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. We are very efficient and not very funny..."

"I heard they were going to fine bad drivers $100 on the spot. That's bit sexist, isn't it?"

"Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder? *points thumbs at chest* That guy."

"I was reading in the paper... And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""How could anyone stoop so low?"""

"I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan"

"What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers? An oxymormon."

"Q: Older Brother: ""Hooray! School's out! I'm free! I'm free!"" A: Younger Brother: ""So what? I'm four!"""

"If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap."

"What did a chemist say to a deaf guy? Does it matter?"