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Joke of the Day

"There are two rules for success: Rule #1. Never reveal everything you know"

"You had me at- well, you're breathing and female. That's about the point you had me."

"I wanted to make a ""two drums and a cymbal fall off of a cliff"" joke, but um... ...tsh."

"Floyd Mayweather Jr must listen to his opponents to win ... Because he definitely can't read them"

"A man waiting for a heart transplant... ... says ""I only want the heart of a dead lawyer."" ""Why?"" asks the doctor. ""I want one that's never been used."""

"There are two kinds of people in the world... Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"*friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*"

"Family Fight My neighbours' family had a huge fight yesterday. Allegedly it started when their son introduced his girlfriend and granny responded: See what happens when you don't pray?'"

"I'm a pediatrician. Oh, so you're into feet? Uh no...children. Isn't that illegal?"

"How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb? None. It will happen itself."