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Joke of the Day

"What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?"

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Please get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,""she replied, ""you can borrow my iPad."" That spider never knew what fucking hit it."

"Ted has split personalities. This shows in his behaviour to his girlfriend. He's a dick Ted to her."

"Donald Trump has written a lot of books But they all ended with chapter 11"

"I know she wanted to be cremated, and I know she didn't want a formal funeral... ...But was a ""Family Barbecue"" really the best idea?"

"Why dont my dick work? Ive been punching it for a good half hour now, and it still wont get a job."

"They've just added no stockpiling paperclips' to the employee handbook like they knew what I was planning."

"Kevin Bacon likes to play Six Degrees of Everybody Else."

"I don't understand the concept of foreskin It goes right over my head"

"""That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!"" women"