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Joke of the Day

"Why did Microsoft skip to windows 10? Because 7 8 9."

"Why did the 80-year-old man call his dick Jesus? It takes 3 days for it to rise again."

"Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings"

"I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying."

"Last night I asked my wife for a 68 ... She said: What that ? I said: You go down on me and I owe you one."

"Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert? They found traces of Mercury in him."

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil!"

"What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face."

"Why is Jupiter both the favourite and most hated planet for Jews? Favourite because **Jew**piter is the biggest planet in the solar system Hated because it's a gas planet"

"""DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?"" I step forward boldly. ""I know OF it."""