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Joke of the Day

"Why did the 80-year-old man call his dick Jesus? It takes 3 days for it to rise again."

"Yay! my car has a parking sensor and I didn't know. When I reverse too far it makes a banging, crunching noise."

"CNN admits to dating Fox News."

"A masked insurgent goes home The insurgent knocks on the door. ""Who is it?"" asks a young woman The insurgent replies: ""I, sis"""

"What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store."

"For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids"

"At the men's bathroom of the local college... ... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti: ""Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."""

"I put a roofie in my wife's drink last night. It was AWESOME. I played PS4 for five hours straight without anyone asking me to do anything."

"Every girl wants to be swept off her feet It's when you put her in the trunk that she starts to freak out"

"Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS."