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Joke of the Day

"Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you do insult them you're already a mile away and you have their shoes."

"Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance? A: To a meatball."

"A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down ...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body"

"[starts 2 crack beneath crushing loneliness] anyone wanna get frozen yogurt or something, maybe orchestrate an elaborate jewel heist I dunno"

"Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here."

"If I had a time machine I would go back to the Star Wars era and kill baby Darth Vader"

"Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable."

"How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter? Tell her a joke at Christmas"

"Passengers clapping when my plane lands makes me almost wish we had crashed."

"Confucius say . . . . Man who wrong on elevator, wrong on many levels."