174783

Joke of the Day

"So Jared Fogle is heading to prison. I wonder if he'll go for a six inch or try the footlong?"

"I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,""I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."""

"I wish corn would teach other foods how to explode into a different food that's 10 times better."

"Relax white people, black people have the ""N"" word. But we still have words like ""Yacht"", and sayings like ""thanks for the warning officer""."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"I was banging my neighbors wife, doggy style, when her husband came home... She said, ""OH MY GOD, use the BACKDOOR!!"" I should've left at that point, but you don't get an offer like that every day..."

"The best part of having a banana instead of a cell phone is no one on this plane can actually make me turn it off or stop talking into it."

"""Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone."" - Me with Thin Mints, and women."

"I called an old friend and asked how he's been. He said ""living the dream."" I told him, hey good to hear. Turned out he just has dissociative identity disorder."

"Today at 8:24 PM it will be 7/16/15 8:24. That is the only time this year such a thing will happen"