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Joke of the Day

"What do army ants have in common with masturbating dolphins? Both come in waves..."

"Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but ""helper monkeys"" Me: *lowers hand*"

"How can you tell if a chemistry joke is shitty? If there isn't a reaction."

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""

"Made a to/ too mistake, and am starting the car with the garage doors down."

"{Police Job Interview} Captain: Go out & kill 5 Blacks, 3 Mexicans & a kitten. Recruit: Why kill a kitten? Captain: You're hired."

"What is a mouse's favorite record ? 'Please cheese me' !"

"Why is Six afraid of Seven? Porque Siete ocho Nueve!"

"What is worse than 10 dead Babys on a Tree? 1 dead Baby on 10 Trees. I know I am going to hell for this."

"""At least your heart's in the right place,"" I say, softly running my hand across a translucent take-out container."