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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a whale that mates constantly? your girlfreind"

"I bought my wife a new dress A really slinky number But it only works when shes going down stairs"

"A feminist was asking me how i watch lesbian relationships unfortunately, in HD was the wrong answer."

"When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room."

"7: I need a pet pig so I can always have bacon. Me: There are some fundamental flaws in your plan but I like the way you think."

"I have two tickets to the Euro's final.. problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah."

"Why couldn't the butter quit his gambling addiction? HE WAS ON A ROLL!"

"*I'm worried about tomorrow* Tomorrow: I'm fine, stop worrying."

"Pretty sure this dollar store toothpaste is just white paint."

"What was the first thing Hitler bought from the beauty shop? Polish remover"