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Joke of the Day

"Insanity? Psychiatric patient attends his appointment with no clothes on, the guy is wrapped in clear plastic. As he enters the psychiatrists office the psychiatrist comments,, "" I can see your nuts"""

"I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money."

"*deliberately drops paper in front of cute girl* Oh my goodness was that my...(sexy voice) political science degree"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? One. Unless it's a black bulb then he calls for backup."

"* during an interview * Interviewer: ""So how long were you employed in your last job?"" Candidate: ""I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills."""

"During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds."

"I plagiarized a book about native Americans... I eventually got siouxed."

"What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times? A dell"

"Why doesn't Fleetwood Mac shave? Because Stevie Nicks."

"Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face."