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Joke of the Day

"My parents were nihilists, but I knew they loved me... ...Because when they died, they left me nothing."

"Netflix and chill is cool... But let's be honest guys, we know for most of you it's Netflix and Jill Edit: if you don't know who Jill is, take a look at your hand."

"What's the first letter of the Canadian alphabet, eh?"

"What do we say to the god of procrastination? Not today."

"My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said Maybe"

"Don't worry, men. Women can't tell women to calm down either."

"I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces"

"don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. their phone is prob ""just on silent"" or ""right in front of their lying face"""

"What is Godzilla's favorite fruit? Squash."

"What do Mexicans play at their funerals? Another Juan Bites The Dust"