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Joke of the Day

"My life flashed before my eyes... ...Turns out I'm epileptic and died from the seizure."

"I turn to my brother and ask Hey bro, what's the most you've jerked off in one day? ""About 3 dudes""."

"my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?"

"My girlfriend said if this get 100 upvotes , we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap-on is huge and it really scares me."

"How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest? You tell him... ""that's definitely a win sir"". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/"

"If I swallow magnets will it make me attractive?"

"Roses are red... This one is screwed up, you've been warned. /our flag is too /raise your hand to the sky /and gas all the jews"

"I'm only friends with people who are taller than me, just in case of thunderstorms."

"So what if I used a time machine to kill Hitler but arrived too late? And now he's alive and knows how to time travel? Would you guys be mad"

"Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue For the devil can take many forms"