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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red... This one is screwed up, you've been warned. /our flag is too /raise your hand to the sky /and gas all the jews"

"Friends are like boobs. You've got small ones, big ones, real ones, and fake ones."

"Don't ask a pregnant lady ""do you know the sex?"" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot"

"If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, ""hey, at least he died doing what he loved"""

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

"What political party does Donald Trump belong to? The Whig Party"

"The death of Dumbledore helped me process the emotions I felt after losing my grandfather, who was also a well-respected homosexual wizard."

"[At Vision Center] Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see? Me: I'd like to be able to see all of them. That's why I'm here."

"What's grey and never needs ironing ? A drip dry elephant !"

"I'll stop gnawing the ends off violins when they stop looking like Cinnabons."