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Joke of the Day

"Today I am choosing to stay positive and kind to anyone I encounter today, except vampires."

"My physics professor gave us a really difficult exam question about a ball with a changing rate of acceleration. It was a jerk move."

"me: I know it's over, but can I have one last hug? Please? Him: *moves closer. stops & sniffs* omg are you covered in superglue?"

"2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say"

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men actually care if they cum."

"What kind of gum do astronauts chew? Hubble Bubble"

"Personal reflection is important for anyone working in the mirror industry."

"The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst - so I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back."

"What goes ""Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop""? An Amish drive-by shooting."

"so i wanted to know what was small and cheep my dad in the middle of dinner says asian hookers"