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Joke of the Day

"What did the woman do that found gold in her vagina? She mined her own business."

"I'm AMAZED by mythology. I'll tell you about my favorite tales... if you have a minotaur two. (amazed... get it?)"

"What's the stupidest prank someone tried pulling on you? My sister just told me she was pregnant and I was the father. Does she really think I'm that dumb? I'm 100% sure she's on birth control."

"ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?"

"Why do black people like fried chicken? Because it tastes good."

"Why do you need patience at the gym? Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head."

"We were going to install Underfloor heating... But we got cold feet."

"What happens when a Cow tries to jump over a fence? Udder destruction"

"[At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?"

"Batteries have a tough life. They're either working or dead."