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Joke of the Day

"Batteries have a tough life. They're either working or dead."

"I wish I was able to argue about something as strongly as women do about nothing."

"What did the fertilizer say to the grass? I'm the shit."

"Earthquake just hit California... Too many liberals are literally shaking."

"Why is Congress like a cold? Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose)."

"Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*"

"Why was the man accused of sexual harassment never arrested? He was a policeman"

"Just clicked on a link to win a free iPad. Now I have AIDS. :("

"A suicide bomber goes to Las Vegas to try his luck at the slot machines.... ....he hit the jackpot, and now he's all over the place."

"Did you hear about that actress that stabbed herself? Reese something? No it was with her knife"