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Joke of the Day

"""You're what you eat"" So when will your mum become me?"

"I hate Simpsons posts! Because I am a family guy."

"In case I ever doubted my status as an American, being able to buy girl scout cookies on my way out of the gym was a heady reminder."

"Set my phone to change K to Okay!! so I don't look rude. Now it looks like I'm all excited about stupid shit, and I'm Okay!! with that."

"What did the fry cook do when he found out he was cooking burger patties made of feces? He flipped a shit."

"What did the Japanese chef say when his mother died? Well, that's the edamame."

"A balding person in denial is probably like maybe it's all in my head."

"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"""

"sorry for my absence, i've been hiding inside my head"

"Trump is such a good businessman that he literally wrote the book on business! Everyone should read it! Its too bad that it only goes up to chapter 11 though..."