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Joke of the Day

"A balding person in denial is probably like maybe it's all in my head."

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? In the US you can't milk a cow for 14 years."

"The Energizer Bunny got arrested the other day... He was charged with battery"

"[hospital] ""I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again"" ""Oh God, he's paralysed?"" ""No, someone's bought him rollerblades"""

"Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, ""Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"""

"""Unhand me you cad!"" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer."

"My Emmy party went off without a hitch despite my cat not answering me when I asked her who crocheted the dress she was wearing."

"have you heard about the couple who confused the tube of K-Y Jelly with window putty? It was horrible, all of the windows fell out of their new house"

"Marvel have announced Thor is set to become a woman. New super powers include being judgmental, temperamental and unreasonable."

"I used to be a People Person, but People ruined it for me!!!"