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Joke of the Day

"What did the fry cook do when he found out he was cooking burger patties made of feces? He flipped a shit."

"How do you get a hippie pregnant? You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest."

"A guy says to his friend, ""we should open a joint bank account."" His friend says, ""what for?"" The guy says, ""I just told you, weed money!"""

"We do apathetic derision better than any nation on earth. Probably. Can't be arsed to find out...and all statisticians are cunts."

"""i want to love you, but i have crust issues."" -pizza on a date i dont know i hate myself"

"Sometimes I just get the urge to belt out The Lion Sleeps Tonight. After all, it's only a whim away."

"Q: Why would you take a hammer to bed? A: So you could hit the sack."

"What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again? Au nevoir."

"Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time? America just did."

"Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread. Doctor: You've got to stop loafing around."