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Joke of the Day

"In case I ever doubted my status as an American, being able to buy girl scout cookies on my way out of the gym was a heady reminder."

"What happens when you join two Koreans together? Linkin Park."

"A call When making food, mum asked me to **call** out to her once I finish draining something. So, being a smart ass, I called her phone."

"The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets. I'm surprised someone could stoop so low."

"Never commit a crime while working out Lest you get ill gotten gainz."

"What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal"

"There's a sign in this bathroom that asks us not to flush anything but toilet paper down the toilet & now I'm unsure how to proceed."

"A Jewish Kid... Asks his dad to borrow $5 his dad replies with ""$4 dollars?! what do you need $3 dollars for?!"""

"Two Sikhs are fighting with each other on the street... ""I WILL A KILL YOU!"" One says blatantly. ""AND THEN?"" The other bellows while widening his eyes."

"What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment."