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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe they're still using that guy as a Subway spokesperson! Robert Griffen III is terrible!"

"I just smoked the fattest blunt.. And now my refrigerator is nervous!"

"My friend always wanted to work in animation, but never got past the interview He just couldn't understand the difference between a professional ""colorist"" and a professional ""racist"""

"What did the ghost of Kurt Cobain say right after his death? My feet are killin' me!"

"*sees a cat yawning* How the hell can you be tired?"

"Why didn't the blind man want a seeing eye dog? He wasnt about to take directions from some bitch"

"I lost my watch the other day. I'm sure it'll turn up, but there's no telling when."

"Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here"

"Why did the melon plan a big elaborate wedding? Because he cantaloupe."

"""Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?"" ""Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."""