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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here"

"I saw a man at the beach yelling, ""Help, Shark! Help!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Accuracy ##You miss 100% of the shits you don't take. Made this typo and thought it was hilarious..."

"I made a deposit at the sperm bank last night. She really hates it when I call her that though."

"What do you call a dog woth no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he's not coming"

"A great high-intensity workout is maintaining a neutral expression when someone tells you about a cool place to hear electronic music."

"Allow me to translate: when NPR says ""hip hop culture,"" they're talking about black people."

"Whats the difference between a woman and a floppy drive? A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5"" Inches."

"My girlfriend has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh When I put my ear up to it I can smell the ocean"

"Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars."