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Joke of the Day

"What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it."

"The bravest thing you can do is change & the weakest is to settle for comfort. But, seriously, that remote is really far from the couch."

"A Chinese guy walks into the wall with a erection And he chips his tooth"

"Whaddya call a large lizard in a trench coat? an investigator."

"I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all..."

"""Please refrain, Angry God, from using the Newspaper of Doom"" the Spider King cries as he orders another sacrifice into your sleeping mouth"

"Two roses What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ"

"Why is Congress like a cold? Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose)."

"I'm 30 but I still feel like I'm 20 Until I hang out with 20 year olds Then I'm like no, never mind, I'm 30"

"How is marriage and CPR training the same? You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again"