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Joke of the Day

"Hey Girl Scout, let your mom handle my cookie transaction. I don't have all day to watch you practice math."

"Newsreader: ""And now Tom with the weather."" Weatherman: ""It's Tim, actually."" Newsreader: ""Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."""

"Spending the day driving past people taking pictures in public and yelling, ""YUCK! DELETE!"""

"Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards? A. So they can park in handicapped zones."

"I bought some ""no more tears"" shampoo but her hair still tore right out!"

"Hitler ruined the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone."

"Sometimes I put on a belt made out of watches because I like to waist time"

"Bring Me the Horizon gets thrown into the ocean... Do they sink or swim? Or simply disappear?"

"Why do Jews try avoiding Jewpiter? Because its a gas planet! Its also why Hitlers gas bills were so high. *i intentionally said Jewpiter instead of Jupiter*"

"A NoSQL query walks into a bar.. ...and then walks out because there were no tables."