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Joke of the Day

"Newsreader: ""And now Tom with the weather."" Weatherman: ""It's Tim, actually."" Newsreader: ""Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."""

"Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box"

"What do you call a funny hill? Hilarious ... My little sister told me this and I wasn't expecting it at all. :|"

"""The toilet is overflowing."" -Sir Isaac Newton"

"Pikachu hates Rebeca black"

"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."

"Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win."

"What do builders use to make websites? Com.crete."

"I've been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately.... It must be a scary time to be catholic."

"Just read ""The Three Musketeers,"" and it's true, the book is always better than the candy"