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Joke of the Day

"Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the light bulb for being broke."

"Fat Chinese What do you call a Chinese person? A Chink. What do you call a FAT Chinese person? A Chunk."

"Why does Mario hate Punchbug? Because he bruises like-a Peach!"

"I'm an anti vaccine activist, and didn't vaccinate my children. They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!"

"My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections."

"""What do we want?"" ""A cure for ADHD!"" ""When do we want it?"" ""Squirrel!"""

"The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major. It's not rocket science."

"HULK doesn't have sex, HULK smashes :b"

"Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am? Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and... Cop: You're free to go."