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Joke of the Day

"The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major. It's not rocket science."

"What do you call paying for services with a blowjob? A package deal."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice"

"What insect lives on nothing? Moths, because they eat holes."

"The Mars mission should include an artist to capture the alien planet The art would be out of this world."

"Why does Dr Pepper... Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife died a year ago."

"Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas this year. Luke: What, How is that possible!? Vader: I felt your presents. Luke: NOOOOOOO"

"Please, keep trying unsuccessfully to suck the snot back up in your nose instead of using a tissue. Everyone loves the noise you're making."

"My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around."

"The fact Michael Jackson had to ask Annie if she was OK nearly 100 times in four minutes makes me think she probably wasn't OK."