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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am? Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and... Cop: You're free to go."

"Kinda creepy that Noah could tell the difference between the male and female versions of EVERYTHING"

"If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson what song would you get? ""Beeflt!"""

"Ever since I became a vampire I've been too ashamed to even look at myself in the mirror"

"What did Khloe Kardashian do for a vegetable? Broke up with James Harden"

"LIFE HACK: eat a cookie evry time u hav a good idea. this asociates idea w/ cookie. now evry time u eat a cookie u will think of a good idea"

"Ellen pao and reddit admins walk into a bar... Everyone was happy to see them and had a great time once they were there... Ill also accept ...and then the bar burned down..."

"This is why I'm leaving /r/jokes: I have a dentist appointment. I'll be back in an hour."

"Shoutout to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets."

"What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do? Pee in a cup."