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Joke of the Day

"Me: And what do you do if I tell you I'm having a heart attack? Siri: I clear your browser history. Me: That's right darling."

"[mall] Wife: Wait here. Me: Okay. Wife: Hold my purse. Me: Yes, ma'am. *looks in purse* *waves at testicles* Me: *sigh* I miss you guys!"

"Have you heard about Trumps plan for Mexicans [Removed]"

"How are women and cigarettes similar? The taste changes as you get closer to the butt."

"Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the ""Like"" button."

"How to cure affluenza? Introduce him to Warhammer."

"someone just asked ""how do u delete yo life"" U CHEW ON A GRENADE WIT THE PIN OUT"

"""I'm not really a big dog person."" - lying werewolf"

"My girlfriend has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean."

"How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!"