127644

Joke of the Day

"[mall] Wife: Wait here. Me: Okay. Wife: Hold my purse. Me: Yes, ma'am. *looks in purse* *waves at testicles* Me: *sigh* I miss you guys!"

"Any ship can be a minesweeper once..."

"Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites ! "

"I used to make a living crushing cans. It was soda pressing."

"What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer? Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute."

"I saved 15% on car insurance by switching.... The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident"

"Christmas comes earlier every year. There's 364 days until Christmas and my neighbors already have their lights up."

"life hack #1 never poop before work even if u are about to shit yourself on the way cuz that just means u get one more break"

"Famous last words of the father, when he killed his Son with a vacuum cleaner Dyson"

"Just gave this idiot a thumbs up for cutting me off, and I think I might not understand road rage."