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Joke of the Day

"*first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?"

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"Did year about the phone war between the iPhone 6s and Samsung s6 I hear the S6 has an edge."
"Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on."
"I thought my neighborhood had turned very pro-Trump... Turns out they just put out their jack-o-lanterns."
"Russian Roulette 5/6 doctors say that its safe to play."
"My buddy has been so annoying bragging about how he only sails on a ships maiden voyage... Fuckin shipsters"
"what do you do if life gives you lemonade? make lemons out of it and life will be like whaaaat?!?"
"Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you? *Whirls Around* Me: I'm not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I'm drinking!!"
"I broke up with my girlfriend today Now I need to buy that movie again!"
"Happy Thursday guys and remember. If you can't spot the douche at work today, then it's probably you."