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Joke of the Day

"Men are creepy, super creepy, but also a lady just stood on the same escalator step as me and lit a lighter and just held it the whole ride."

"Why did the lion get lost? Because jungle is massive"

"My ex-girlfriend and I weren't compatible.. I was an Aquarius and she was a bitch. Anybody got any they wanna share?"

"You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend."

"What about that new beer... by Peter Cotton Ale? It's made with more hops!"

"I got in touch with my inner self today. That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper."

"what does past, present, and future have in common? ...... tense"

"Why can't anyone tell my dads fat? Cause he grew up in Pawtucket."

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

"I want a job cleaning mirrors It's something I could really see myself doing."