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Joke of the Day

"I am going to stay up tomorrow and watch the election results... But all the commercials say ""If your election lasts longer than four hours, please call your doctor."""

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"[think of idiom] firing on all cylinders [post tweet w/ idiom + literal interpretation] mr. on all cylinders, ur fired [wait for 100+ faves]"
"What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you"
"My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell"
"You know who are the best pussy magnets? Gynecologists.."
"I figure soon we will be grounding our children by sending them outside to play"
"Why did the football team sack the hairy goalkeeper? Because he rarely shaved the balls."
"I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, ""YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"""
"What's the difference between a rooster and a hooker? [NSFW] The rooster says Cock-a-doodle-do, and the hooker says Any cock will do!"
"What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit"