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Joke of the Day

"I prefer masturbating with coconut oil as opposed to lotion It just cums naturally."

"If you turn pineapple upside down cake right side up, it's just cake."

"Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night."

"me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*"

"My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment... I told her that her eyesight was outstanding."

"What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)"

"I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well."

"It's Saturday.. Turning my give-a-crap-o' meter down... "

"What's the best way to get a foreign dog to behave? A treaty."

"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa? Santa stops at 3 'Ho's'"