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Joke of the Day

"me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*"

"my dream job is to be the FBI guy who nicknames criminals. someone blew up a fish market? Tunabomber. easy."

"A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today. Reports say he was squashed."

"Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success."

"I wouldn't say it's easy living with erectile dysfunction. But it's not hard."

"Why do all chicken coupes have two doors? Because if they had four doors they would be sedans."

"Apparently, Tiger is back in a bit of form. I wonder what her name is?"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 eight 9. That's right; That's the punchline."

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps could finish a race."

"What's green and has wheels? A Pickle and I lied about the wheels."