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Joke of the Day

"I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well."

"Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants."

"What did the fish skeleton say? Long time, no sea."

"My friend was talking about how he sleeps when its dark around. So I'd advised him not to join the basketball team."

"What is the worst thing to come across whilst surfing the web? Your keyboard!! (credits to NCS)"

"Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out."

"No. Skinny girls shouldn't be in charge of the office thermostat. You need a middle-aged woman with hot flashes named Brenda on the dial."

"What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ? Jail-birds !"

"It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs."

"If Trump wins I'm moving to my last Sim City 2000 save file."