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Joke of the Day

"I learned all my flirting from lizards so I just do a bunch of really fast pushups when I see a cute lizard."

"What do you call a retard who is super high? a baked potato lol xD"

"Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll."

"A bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally."

"Don't you hate it, when you offer someone help and the other person says yes"

"Saw a picture of Justin Bieber on a horse. It looked as natural as sauerkraut on a bean bag chair."

"Sometimes when I go to a buffet... I tip myself."

"Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi."

"My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges"

"What do you get when you cross an octopus with a black person? I don't know either, but it would be great at picking cotton."